Love & Success Can Co-Exist

I was just watching the movie "Baby Mama" and something stuck in the first minutes: the main character was talking about how she had to make a choice - having babies, a family or a career. She chose to get promoted instead of getting married and having kids. 

It connected to something I've been working on for a while: the concept of having it all. Why is it that we believe that we can only have one or not the other? Women especially, we believe it's either love or money. Family or career. Fun or strict. The concept of duality has been denied for us for a long time, because it makes us confusing. It makes life confusing: how could someone have it all? 

It creates a challenge for people. It creates jealousy. 

Now, imagine having it all. 

Imagine living a life of trauma and a life of happiness all in one earthly experience. 

Imagine living in abundance, both financially and romantically. 

Imagine having fame and privacy. 

Imagine that you have all the things you want to have without needing to sacrifice anything. 

That's what we need to start feeding into our brain, not the fact that we need to choose one or another. 

As a woman who's chosen career over love since the age of 13, with a cute little quote from I don't remember who pinned to my room wall, that said "If you have to choose between a man or a career, always choose the career because it will never leave you in the middle of the night" I can definitely say the brainwash was real. 

Listen, I understand where and why this mindset started, especially for us women, because there was a time where we did have to choose one or another. That was part of the deal. For a while, we could only have family. Then, we had the opportunity to make our own money and went full in, rebelling against the sexist system that was forced upon us, and made our own money, refusing to give in to the traditional marital expectations because we finally had freedom. Now, though, we can have it all. Now, it's doable for us to have it all. 

This comes back to the idea that we finally are safe as women to have both a family and a career. We have opportunities available to us now that keep us safe in building a family whilst building a business or having a top notch career. We claimed back our birth rights to being seen as humans, not as baby makers. We have the platforms to expose companies who discriminate because we are pregnant, older, or women. I mention this so often in this podcast, but I want to continue reminding people that even though there is still a big road ahead of us, we are still safer than we used to be. 

In order for us to be able to prepare for the road in front of us in terms of feminism, we also have to acknowledge the work we put in, to be able to build on top of the work we put in, not continue building the same foundation. That's the only way we can progress. 

Personally, I believe the next step is believing that it's possible to have it all. The shift starts when you're willing to say out loud: I want to have both love and abundance. That's where it starts. Ask yourself, where do you feel resistance when you say that? What part of you feels resistant to that truth? Let's be honest, it's a lack mindset; the belief that one cannot exist without the other. The belief that they are not infinite, that there is only a finite number of wishes and desires you can receive, therefore you must choose wisely. 

But if that's the case, what would come of all the versions of yourself that existed up until this point? No, let's really look at this on a deeper level, truly. If we go with the belief that there is only a finite numbers of purposes, desires, wishes, or manifestations that you can receive, wouldn't that mean that eventually, the Universe will take away your ability to shift versions and decide all of a sudden, you have shifted enough?

That would mean that you would get punished for outgrowing all the versions of yourself that you existed as in the past. That wouldn't make any sense, that's not very unconditional love of the Universe now is it? 

Right. 

So, let's shift the perspective then, because this is where it gets good. When you allow yourself to say: I want to have it all. You open your brain up to possibilities. You give your brain an opportunity to get creative in how you can have it all, you just have to be willing to listen. That's on you and your own willingness to face change, but it's as simple as that. 

Simply said, hard to act on, absolutely.

For me, this started last year, when I was working 8+ hours every day, doing content for TikTok, taking on private clients, and building the business.   It was going amazingly well, although I still wanted more. I got a dog, I don't know if you guys remember Zeus from back then. I knew that dog was there temporarily, from the moment I adopted him, I knew he was there to teach me unconditional love. Little did I know that he would teach me that in such a chaotic way. When I got him, I realized just how much love I have for animals. I always had dogs growing up, but they were mostly under the supervision of the adult figures in the household. I got closer with them when they were older, one dog in particular, Thor, was my soul dog. He was everything to me.

Zeus quickly built that strong bond with me. It became sickening, in a good way, to the point where I didn't want to leave the house to go to the gym because I didn't want to leave him alone. I rented a chalet for one week because I wanted him to run free when he was three months old. Because I wanted him to be in nature. A chalet. With like three bedrooms. I was alone with him. That's how much I wanted him to be happy. In those months I was with him, I started shifting my schedule. I couldn't work as many hours per day, and the way I scheduled my clients no longer worked, because I needed to walk him every two hours, and I needed to give him attention, he was a puppy. I couldn't run through five hours of clients back to back like I used to. 

Through that process, I found myself asking for a more balanced life, where I could spend more time with Zeus, where I could enjoy my time with him instead of rushing through it. I hated seeing myself rushing to go on a walk, and I hated myself even more when I was stressed out because he was doing puppy things and I needed to work. That's when I realized I didn't have balance in my life, and he opened my heart up so strongly, that I also didn't want to give up the feeling of love I felt in my heart. Now, for me it happened with a dog, because I wasn't ready yet to open my heart up for an actual human man. I had a friend who experienced this shift with a boyfriend she met while on vacation, who made her realize she needed more balance in her life, maybe even close her business because she loved the feeling of love. It can happen differently for many people, but that said: there is always an opportunity the Universe will give you to experience an open heart. From there, you get to choose if you give in or not. 

I know you guys will ask, so I will say it, Zeus found his forever home in September when I moved away from the city. I knew he was temporary, but it still wasn't an easy decision. It ended up being perfect though because the family that now has him just lost their dog, and when they saw Zeus, they literally fell in love with him. He is loved as he should be loved, and he taught me what he was meant to teach me, with the big heart that he has.

That experience gave me the opportunity to feel love, whilst building a business. It gave me the opportunity to question my methods, to seek something more out of my business. It made me realize I wasn't working as smart as I could've. It gave me the opportunity to get creative in how I ran my business, how I planned my schedules, and how much I charged also. By being overwhelmed with both home and business, I realized that I needed to charge more, because I didn't feel appreciated for the amount of work I was going through, it gave me the opportunity to have new found love for the hard work I put in, because I realized truly how much work I was putting in. I had something outside of my work life, when I didn't before. If it were a relationship, I would've dropped the relationship right away, because I had too many blockages around love. It had to be a dog, because I have no blockages around animals, they're my soft spot. I literally got into a physical fight once because someone slapped my dog, I don't play about animals. Hit a human though, meh. Unless it's a man hitting a woman, I don't care as much. Hit a child or an animal? Monster unleashed, forget it. They're innocent beings. 

Anyways, I'm trailing off. I could talk about my dogs for the whole post, if I'm being honest. Even want to tell you guys about my soul dog, Thor, and how he started attacking the people I lived with when he felt I wasn't safe with them. That dog was my soul dog, for real, for real. He protected me through and through, a good doggo. But that's not the point of this post! Moving on (for now). 

Where were we? Yes. Opportunities to get creative. You can have it all, you just have to be willing to think outside the box basically. If you keep thinking of doing the same hours every day and have a husband, for example, that might not work. There will be tweaking needed, but it doesn't mean you must compromise on your income. You just have get creative on how to maintain both. There's always possibilities, and anyone who tells you otherwise is because they're lacking in creativity, and well, truthfully, they can fuck off. The beauty of today's day and age is that we have endless possibilities available to us, if we're willing to open our eyes to see them. 

Look at your life, honestly, and ask yourself: can you fit a business or a relationship or a baby or a friend group? If the answer is no, then start working on doing that, if that's what you want, without removing from your current success. This is also something else, let's say you want to open a business and you're in a relationship, and let's say the guy starts nagging you about putting in too many hours, that's a trash man. That man belongs inside of a trash chute. This is also something else that happens when you allow yourself to have it all: you see who around you is proud of you for doing that and who wants you to stay the same. You start seeing the friend groups that are mad because you start spending two days a week with your boyfriend instead of them. You start seeing the boss or business partner that give you grief because you start leaving work at normal hours instead of in the middle of the night. You start seeing who around you actually wants you happy and who doesn't, and this is where people fall of the train. 

They see their friends telling them that they changed and they take it to heart. But instead of questioning yourself, like you always do, what if you question your environment? What if, instead of saying that you're the one that is always codependent in a relationship,  you start telling yourself that your friends aren't appreciative of your new life? What if you start applauding the work you put in to balance all lives instead of saying that you are unable to balance it all? 

If you don't believe that to be true, what if you start working on those blockages that make you unable to balance out a relationship and a work environment? Go to therapy. Take care of yourself. Journal. Spend time with yourself. Speak to strangers. 

So you guys know I've been in a state of isolation for a while, right. Lately, I've been going on walks every night to get my steps in. Usually, I like my time alone, but lately, I've been craving company. So, I either text my friend in the building to come with me or last time, a woman was walking her dog and we just started chatting, and I continued my entire walk with her, for a good hour, just talking and enjoying each other's company. 

In the past, I would've hurried up and stayed in my own focus, but knowing that I'm working on opening myself up to humans again, I'm taking every opportunity I feel safe in to bring balance in my life. Those walks with someone give me the opportunity to see a different future, with a boyfriend, for example. Where, when the time comes, we'll be able to go on walks together, because I didn't know exactly what to do with a boyfriend, it's been so long that I've been in a relationship. Well actually, I don't even consider my only relationship a relationship anymore, so, technically, I've never had a good boyfriend that shares his life with me. This gives me the opportunity to slowly slowly open myself up to the possibility, while also giving me a chance to work on my things during the day. Balance of both. 

When you've lived in extremes all your life because of survival, or any other reason, it's hard to see balance available to us, but it's by taking on the opportunities we receive to find balance that we're able to exist in it. In small little moments and decisions, where afterwards, we're able to journal and work through the terror that might arise from it. For me, with the dog, I was scared I would lose money and I wouldn't be able to help people. That terror came through, I worked through it, found balance in my work and life, and I learned new ways to lead the business. It's doable, if you allow yourself for it to be. 

Okay another example, last one, to show the example of bad people around you. So, in 2021 I also got a dog, for like three weeks. I was living in the house of one of my business partners back then, and I really wanted a puppy. So, I got a husky. Work wasn't as chaotic, I had good employees, I thought it was perfect timing. My business partner, back then, said that the dog couldn't come at the head office we had. That changed everything for me, because I lived 45 minutes away from the head office, and I couldn't just leave the puppy home alone all the time, so I was doing 45 minutes in the morning, 45 back and 45 forth at lunch, and leaving early to go back home. I was stressing myself out continuously because the business partner was being an asshole about it. I had to give the dog away to a client of mine at the gyms I owned, it was perfect, he had a big farm and the Husky was happy. What happened two years later, a woman started working with our team as an interior designer, and she had a Chow-chow, when I tell you my face dropped when my business partner said it was now okay for dogs to be in the head office. I lost all respect for that man right there and then, and I knew he was doing it out of spite with me. Another business partner did the same thing with the gym, when we started, with Thor. They literally cast a vote to forbid me to bring my dog to the gym, MY gym, that I paid for, and that I slaved over 16+ hours a day. They cast a vote, and because men tend to stick together in stupidity, and I was the only woman, I lost. Which in turn lead to me also losing Thor, but that's another story. All that to say - be careful who you have around you. Those business partners didn't care about me or my happiness, they wanted me to abide by their rules, their needs and that's it.   They didn't care about the happiness my dog brought me, they only cared about the fact that they didn't like how I was with him. Later on, when my employees had their dog, I allowed every single one of them to bring their dogs in, but when it was about me, none of those business partners fought for me. 

So, when you start finding balance in your life, ask yourself - is the environment you're in allowing you to have balance or is it pushing you to believe balance is not possible? If you can't have balance or you can't have it all where you're at, leave, and find an environment where you can. I should've left those partnerships a long time ago, but I was too naive still back then, I needed to experience the abuse in order to grow into the person I am today, and to be able to share this wisdom gained as well. 

You can have it all, remember that. You just have to believe that, and you have to feel safe believing that too. 

Listen to the Podcast episode linked to this blog post on Shaiia Talks Podcast.