Ep 2: “I Hate Men”: A War Cry for Truth, Not Separation
I used to be the type of woman who would flinch or block any other woman who had the guts to say out loud: I hate men.
A big part of it was because I was still too new to the World, is how I like to see it. The love & light propaganda online and in the minds of many old school spiritual teachings made me believe that the word "hate" meant something dramatically dangerous on one's path to spirituality. Then, there was also the internalized misogyny that made me a better friend to abusive men instead of being a better friend to myself, making it extremely hard for me to empathize with other women, because I saw myself as "one of the guys". Looking back, I realize that "one of the guys" meant being an enabler for their bad behaviour towards humans in general, but women more specifically. Seeing them mistreat their girlfriends, lie to fifty different women just to get them in bed, speak badly and offensively about women, to the point where I truly wonder if they actually loved women.
So, reflecting back on that, the question arises: why is it socially acceptable for men to hate women but women are not allowed to say they hate men?
Is it because a lot of men do it passive aggressively, in such a manipulative and slick manner that they don't have to say out loud that they hate women? That their hate towards women is no loud but rather masked behind their smiles or hidden behind closed doors, where no one hears or sees it? Is it because it's less triggering to the world, because it's not a stance but rather a masked wounded behaviour? Is it because it gives society an opportunity to show grace to men, because they claim to love women but are unable to show it adequately? Is it because as a society, we listen to the words someone says more so than their actions? Is it because, as a society, we are unable or unwilling to see someone take such a strong stance on something, such as saying "I hate men"?
Has society become so weak mentally that they truly cannot stand someone knowing who they are and being vocal about it? They have to hide their true selves behind a mask in order for society to be okay with it?
So many questions rise from that whole perspective change.
Whereas, us, powerfully authentic women, have the courage to say outloud what it is that we think without acting on that hate passive aggressively. We have the courage to take off our mask of people pleasing and loving everybody, the one that makes everyone comfortable around us, and say out loud what we think in the moment. We have the courage to face people's opposite thinking and challenge it. We have the courage to not hide behind closed doors or masks --we lay out our truest self for the world to see, and it's polarizing.
When I truly sat with the question, I started seeing men's actions differently in that front. When a man abuses a woman, mentally or physically, he does it through gaslighting, violence (verbal or physical), manipulation, coercion, and so much more. He destroys the woman he claims to love so much. Yet, you will never hear the words "I hate women" come out of his mouth, because that would expose his actions. Saying that out loud would mean that his actions would come from a place of evilness instead of a place of wounded love. it would mean that he wouldn't receive pity or empathy from others because he would be vocal about the fact that he abuses women because he hates them, not because he loves them so much he wants them all to himself. That truth would create outrage. Women would no longer show him grace, on the contrary, he would be destroyed.
if we go even deeper into the subject and go with pedophiles, who claim to love children. If they were truly honest about their actions, they would say that they hate children, because no love is expressed through control, possession, stalking, or force, none. Saying this out loud would mean that the man would also have to admit to himself, that the actions he takes come from a place of evilness rather than love, as he claims to ease his own mind. There would be no grace left from the world (although there shouldn't be, ever), there would only be death.
As women, we say out loud that we hate men, but we still treat men with respect, until they prove themselves unworthy of that respect. That's when we start swinging, so to speak (eh, sometimes it's needed and I support that). We say we hate men, but we still date them and show them love and respect. We say we hate men, but our actions don't follow that speech until we have to stand on business and remind men that they are not a necessity in our lives, they are a choice we choose to entertain.
When I allowed myself to feel disgust for men, I received a lot of different opinions. A lot of fake spiritualists jumped in, saying I was lost, because I didn't find love in my heart for men and that I was created a war between men and women. Those comments always made me laugh because it simply affirmed what I already knew: people choose to live in a world of denial instead of voicing the truth of what is currently happening, because it means nothing has to change. It means that emotions don't have to be challenged, it means that thoughts don't have to be changed, and it means that illusions don't have to fall.
The truth is, men and women have been at war for centuries, what we are experiencing now is the scale rebalancing. We are not seeking separation, we are being honest about the separation already happening and asking for equality.
If we look at data from the past, it becomes extremely clear that men and women were at war, and women were losing. Women fell into the propaganda of love & light, and unconditional love that was pushed by men, and started losing the war.
Because, how can men say what love is when they don't even know what it truly means. How can men be the ones in charge of the definition of love when they, themselves, are unable to be honest with themselves about their own feelings of love? How can men be the ones to define what love is when men don't have the ability to differentiate love, hate, or lust to begin with?
That's where feminism comes in.
Equality.
Saying, right now, in society, that we are all equal is closer to the truth than it was in the past, but still very far from being completely true. We are stepping closer to full equality, but we're also still deep in the fight.
Saying that we're creating separation between genders when we claim to hate the other gender is denial, because the separation was already there, we simply decided to be honest about its existence. Women, right now, are fighting the war by bringing forth what was kept behind closed doors, what many men and women, have avoided for years: the truth.
We have accepted for a long time that men love women in a certain way and that's that. We accepted that women needed to love in a certain manner, and that was that. Women were not allowed to ask for divorce, couples that did divorce were shamed by their community and family --public separation was frowned upon, but so many couples already lived a separated life inside of a broken home. Many couples slept in different beds, slept with other people, or simply couldn't be in the same room as the other, for years, but stayed married, because society didn't want to accept the truth that sometimes marriage doesn't work out.
The same thing is happening in society right now: women are stepping up and bringing the truth forward, with power, and we're bringing to the table emotions, accountability, and data that men, women, religions, and fake spiritualists alike don't like to see.
We're finally allowing ourselves to fight the war that we were pushed to lose instead of just standing there without doing anything. We're acknowledging that there was a war to begin with, and our goal is to end the war, not start a new one.
When men say that we are looking to start a war, they are simply trying to continue the illusion that everything was perfect, because acknowledging the war would mean to accept that their life wasn't perfect. Women are disrupting the system, and that's what's creating a general sense of disdain for a lot of people who feel comfortable in misogynistic views.
Let's go even deeper in the discussion of what "I hate men" means. Men around the world have heard women say this, and they, again took it upon themselves to define what a woman says.
Men, around the world, claim to know what a woman means when she says "I hate men", but how could a man who's never listened to a woman long enough to hear her know what a woman means when she expresses herself?
Now, as a woman, a woman who's experienced the boys club as much as the "I hate men" club, I can say with conviction that "I hate men" isn't a jab at men who fight on our side. It's a jab at men who do nothing to be real men.
Because many people seem to lack the intellectual ability to think beyond the surface and to explore above shallow levels, let me take some time to explain those three little words a little better.
When we say "I hate men" we mean: "I hate men who define themselves under the laws of illusion, denial, and masked love"
Men today are changing, thanks to women choosing to fight a war that was already happening. Therefore, it would be unfair to say that all men are trash, because I know a few good ones, but the general term used to define men is trash. The definition of what a man is, is trash and absolutely hated by all of us powerful women. Because, again, the definition that was used to describe men for centuries is horribly disgusting.
As women, we reclaimed our definition of what being a woman is, and we reclaimed our definition of what love is. Those were ours to reclaim. Now, we are reclaiming the definition of what men are, because it is also our definition to take back as long as we are expected and willing to date men and marry them. Which has also become a choice, thanks to many powerful women who decided to acknowledge the war and jumped in it to fight for us.
If we are meant to live the rest of our lives with men, it is only fair we have a take in what the definition of men means. For centuries, the definition of men was given for other men to define. Women had no say on what a real man should be like. Which brings another question: were men creating a universe only for men to exist? Were all men gay in the past?
It's a laughable topic, absolutely, but it would make sense, because why would a man, who claims to love women, live in a world where men existed only based off of their opinions and needs? That would mean that they expect to live in a world where only men exist and women are there to keep them in the religious illusion that they are straight, because the opposite would mean they go to hell --if we go with the old ways of thinking where religion forbid two men to stand too close to one another, for too long.
"I hate men" is misunderstood by society because the men that are defined by the traditional definition choose to misunderstand. As women, all we want, is to have an equal say in everything, but since we have seen how close minded a lot of misogynistic men and women can be, we have to do it more aggressively. We are pushed to the extreme because we are not heard otherwise. We have to say "I hate men" and not "I hate the traditional definition of men" because it creates triggers and discussions, because that's the only way we are heard by a society that has refused to hear women for centuries, unless they did something so radical, so outlandish, that society had to pay attention.
As women, we are here to disrupt the system, to claim back our power and to claim back our position on the throne, next to the men who've monopolized those positions. That's what we're doing. If, as a woman, you are afraid to use the word "hate" it's because you're still giving it the definition that a society of men have given it to. A man's hate is ten times more dangerous than a woman's hate, because a man's hate does not have the foundation of empathy and compassion that a woman has. A woman's hate is still laced with love, compassion, and empathy, because that is how we were raised from generations. We are made of love, so even hating isn't as dangerous as men claim. Men in society call it bad because they only see how they hate. Women haven't take the microphone, yet, to speak on what hate means for us, but we are doing so now. I am doing it now, and I will continue to do it and speak on it, because we deserve to redefine the words found in our vocabulary with balance, not just from the perspective of men.
That's what feminism and equality is. If, as a human being, you're still feeding the illusionary lie that we are all equal, you are on the wrong side of history. You are letting yourself fall victim to a propaganda that's been pushed for centuries, simply because you're unwilling to face what you will have to do when you admit equality is not here yet.
We have to use disruptive and extreme words, that is how balance is found. It is not time to add pebbles to the scale to slowly and carefully balance out the scales, because the imbalance was too big to begin with. We need to add a massive rock on our side, to disrupt the scale so much that both sides feel the earthquake, so that after, the scale rebalances. Imagine the scale is at -500 for women and 10,000 for men. Adding one pebble at a time would mean that we're scared of men's reactions, first of all, so we add little pebbles that go unnoticed so that no one can attack us. Now, my pride for being a woman is way too big to ever let another human scare me. So, I'd personally rather go the other way, where I slap a 500 piece rock on that shit and create such a massive, temporary imbalance that it makes both sides uncomfortable. Eventually though, guess what? The scale will balance back out to 0 vs. 10,000. We'll be much better off.
That's part of what true feminism is. It's creating disruption because we're too far behind to do it slowly. We need to take big steps. We're not saying "I hate men" because we want them all to be removed, we're saying "I hate men" because what we consider as acceptable manhood is dangerous for the existence of women. Once the definition of true manhood will change, there will be no more need for disruptive claims.
To close out, to all women seeing this that struggle with being a feminist or are scared of pushing away men by being a feminist: know that by being a feminist, you are not putting down men, you are simply willing to speak a truth that has been avoided for a long time. That's what part of feminism is, also. If speaking your truth and the truth of what we experience in society seen as disgusting by another man, that man is not someone you will be able to build with in the future. A real man will take the time to hear you, not just the words you say, but the meaning you give them. A real man will take the time to understand you, not just based off of his own perspective. A real man will want to see you, not just based off the opinions of other men, but from your perspective as a woman. A man who loves women will give women the opportunity to be heard. A man who hates women will beat her down if she dares challenge his mindset. That is the difference. Feminism is protection. Feminism will bring you a man who will love you for being a woman, not ostracize you for it. Trust me, that will be the best relationship you will ever be in, because you will feel heard, seen, understood, and safe to be yourself around that man, and he will truly be your soulmate.
That man that hates you saying "I hate men" is not your soulmate. That man doesn't want to dive deeper into the conversation, he simply wants a reason to continue hating women, and this is his opportunity to get out of the closet and do it loudly. Being a feminist simply removes everybody's masks, including women who have internalized misogyny or are too scared to be honest. It's a good thing.
Disrupt. Disrupt until balance is restored.