Ep 1. Art of Authenticity, Finding Your Place in the World, Learning to be a Safe Space for Authenticity, Facing Rejection & Backlash Online

Last week, I sent an email to my newsletter readers opening up about how I've always hated people. It was something I was always scared to voice out loud, especially to the public, because of the backlash it could generate from people who only heard the words for what they mean to their ego. 

As expected, I received emails from people telling me that I shouldn't be thinking this way. One specific email made me laugh, as the person behind it started giving me advice on how to have a connection and what a real connection was. Claiming that I was egotistical for separating myself from most of the world, and saying I should connect to people in a certain way. 

I didn't read the whole email, as the first paragraph made me giggle; here it was, what I feared most about sharing my truth -- someone misunderstanding my every word based off of self-righteousness because they don't believe that it's right to hate humans and also seek connection. Someone who lives in their own world and refuses to believe that someone else lives in theirs as well. Someone who, after two emails of back and forth, claimed to know me better than I knew myself, or claimed to know my need for connection better than I knew it. 

All because I was willing to be vulnerable about who I am and what my thoughts were. 

That's the thing about being honest about one's vulnerability; people feel entitled to share their advice, even when you never wanted it to begin with. I've found that being vulnerable is hard not because of its truth to yourself or to the world, but because of people's reactions towards it. The ones with the saviour complex that see someone being vulnerable and automatically think they need advice, when in reality, sometimes, being heard is all the help we need. I had a friend in the past that used to ask me: do you want to vent or do you want advice? This way, he would know what to do as I laid out my vulnerability with safety. A lot of people don't know how to be a safe space for people in their vulnerability, and that's what makes being vulnerable hard. 

For a lot of us, being heard is sometimes all we want. We just want our thoughts to be heard, to be safe to exist outside of our minds. When you're honest with yourself vulnerably, you don't care about what people think, because you made your peace with it, but you care about having a safe space to communicate that vulnerable thought. Me saying that I have suicidal thoughts doesn't mean that I'm looking for someone to tell me how to remove them, sometimes I just want to be able to say it out loud without everyone trying to fix it. Because, truth be told, I don't need fixing, I need a safe space to exist with all my darkest thoughts, a safe space that isn't just my mind. 

That's what a lot of people are not ready to hear, because it would mean shutting up and letting someone be vulnerable while they figure out how they want to navigate through life. It would mean letting someone create their own reality out of authenticity rather than pushing one's own solutions onto the other. Sometimes, we do want help and will ask for it, but as someone who is extremely self aware and does live a life that is very different than most, I hate when people who are obviously not on my understanding level try to tell me how to live my life. 

The funny thing about all of this is that when I was doing readings on social media and telling people that they were different, everybody ate it up. Now that I'm telling the world that I am different, I'm being egotistical. Which is it, though? Why is it okay for me to say you're different but it's not okay for me to say I'm different? 

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Writing, creating, and being authentic is an art. Just like any piece of art, it's always subject to criticism. The thing about social media though, is that when you create online, you open yourself up to criticism from people who know nothing about the art that you are creating. The platform of social media is so massive and the access to art is so grand that the ones in the knowing are not the only ones who have access to it. 

Think of the Louvre. Now, of course, it's become a trendy tourist attraction, but back in the days, you would go to the Louvre to enjoy the art. You didn't go if you didn't like art. You didn't step foot inside of the museum unless you had a knowing or an understanding of what art is. One's voice and truth is exactly that. It's art. It's the art of being you. 

On social media, there are people who don't understand what being themselves mean. There are people who don't understand authenticity or people who simply don't understand you. Now, they have access to you though. They have access to your thoughts, they have access to your mind, they have access to your authenticity, and they also have the opportunity to criticize now, because it's in front of them. It's like they were dropped inside of the Louvre when they have no understanding of art. They'll look at the Mona Lisa and criticize its size, its colours, its everything --because they only know art that is from AI, for example. They don't know painting, they don't understand the meaning behind this painting, and they're unwilling to learn about it. 

That's what's happening with social media. Back in the day, it used to be more of a safe space for people to share authentically, because there were less people using the platforms. Now, it's available to everyone. 

That's why you also see less and less creators sharing their personal life vulnerably, making content that is less connected and deep, because people have ruined it. We all started pulling back on being vulnerable with the world because it no longer is a safe space for us to be that. The world asks for authenticity but when one's authenticity doesn't match with what the world likes or wants, it's a problem. It doesn't work like that: you and I have no say in anyone's expression of authenticity. 

You and I cannot criticize anybody's authenticity, we can only admire it and relish in its expression. In the beauty that is their authenticity. In the light that they exist in. 

If we come back to me saying that I hate people, in the newsletter I also wrote that when I was sat at the right table, with the right people, I loved my experience and exchanges with the people at the table. Because I was surrounded by people that were authentic themselves and that also allowed me to be authentic. We were five people at the table and we all had different wealth, different ages, different gender, and different backgrounds. One thing was similar though: we were all authentically ourselves. We all took pride in who we were and the passions we had. One gentleman was a corporate banker, another an seasoned businessman, another a doctor, another a nurse, and me, well, me. 

We all shared different views on business, on fashion, on medicine, on hobbies, on travel, and on so many other things. What was beautiful about it all though was that no one tried to change anybody mind about anything. We didn't force each other to be alike, we allowed each other to be differently authentic, together. Someone would say "I don't like cruises, I prefer exclusive luxurious cruises" and the other person would simply say "Oh, yeah that's definitely you, I prefer connecting with people on bigger cruise ships though."

As simple as that. 

That's what it means to share your vulnerable, authentic side with people who understand authenticity looks like. It's allowing everybody to be themselves and having a conversation about it all rather than trying to convince them to change. When you approach a connection with the need to change the other person into what it is that you like, that is when you close yourself up to new connections, because you're not looking for true connection, you're looking for someone that mirrors what you believe inside. 

When you seek depth and authenticity, you look for authenticity in others, and it becomes a passionate conversation to get to know the other person. I'll give you another example, I'm someone who's very spiritual and free in my spirituality, right? Two years ago, I got in touch with an old friend of mine who's Muslim. We dated a couple of years back, and he reached out again to get closure on a couple of things. We ended up having a three hour conversation over the phone talking about our views on religion. He explained to me how he viewed his life based off his beliefs, and how he viewed the woman based off his religion, and I opened up about my views towards relationships and my belief in how a woman should be viewed in a relationship. During the three hours we talked, not one second of the conversation was pushed towards changing the other person's point of view or belief; it was about learning how the other person's mind works, and accepting that some things we simply do not click on. 

We admitted truthfully that we like each other a lot, but because of different religious perspective, we couldn't be together, and that was that. I didn't spend time trying to change his mind so he could be with me, and he did the same. We both went our own way, after spending time learning about one another vulnerably. 

Those types of humans, I love. 

The rest of humans, the 99% of people, like the one who replied to my email forcing me to change my views on humans, I can't stand. 

Because that means I'm not allowed to be the art I was meant to be. 

I'm not even allowed to be an art in motion. 

Some of us are art that is ever transforming. We are a piece of art that moves. We are not a painting that is stuck there forever and doesn't change, we are an NFT -- we change, we have a modern twist, we are electric. We are different than what conventional art is. 

When NFTs first came out, everybody laughed, until one day someone decided it had valued, and people started buying it left and right at prices that were insane, even to me. Even I don't understand what the hype was with NFT, but you know what, I don't need to. Because it's not my art to understand. I had friends who invested in NFTs back then and I didn't understand any of it, but I loved hearing them talk so passionately about it; I learned how some people viewed art and money. I learned what made other people special in their authenticity. If I were the type to say "oh NFT is stupid" the communication would've stopped there. I wouldn't have been able to connect on a deeper level with that person at that moment, because I didn't allow them to be themselves around, where in that moment, NFT was important. 

I believe truly that connecting with people on an authentic level means allowing them to be themselves vulnerably and safely; it means allowing them to have all the thoughts they want to have without trying to force them out of it or without trying to tell them they're wrong. 

So, yeah, I hate people. But I don't hate my people, and I think that's what triggers most humans is that they feel excluded when I say that. I can understand that, it can feel weird to hear someone say that they hate people, that's why it took me so long to say it out loud. It can be weird to hear someone say that they don't like hanging out with most people and that they're very selective with their people, but then again, my question to you is: why do you want me to like you so badly? 

I don't care to be liked. I care to be authentic. 

My authenticity trumps being liked, for me. 

I know that I'm not liked in many rooms, but I also know that I'm not going to change to fit into that room. I know that many people think I'm crazy, but I'm not going to change myself to make them think otherwise. I let people run with their ideas of me because in the end, it's not going to change who I am. All that changes is perception, based on group. 

By being myself everywhere I go, I am able to find my people, like I did in that even the other night. I found people that shared the same discomfort with party vibes that I did, and we were able to have a beautifully enlightened conversation together. If you're an art piece that changes for the people's likings, there will never be anything special about you. There will never be anything of value to you, because you will become lost in the masses. 

Being authentic means standing out and being willing to take the criticism that comes from being a unique piece of art, whether that is an NFT that changes and transforms into someone better every day, or a Mona Lisa that loves the security of a staple identity - you are you, and that's all that matters. 

To continue on the subject of hating people, and I'll close up on that, I think it's important for me to say out loud that I hate people because of what I've lived through. Not in the victim sense but in the sense that: I hate the people I've experienced and saying it outlaid allows me to never encounter those types of people again. 

If I were to say that I love people, right now, it would be a lie, because I haven't experienced a lot of the people that I could love. I'm starting to, but I'm still pushing away from the environment I was once in that I couldn't stand. The fake and empty connections, and the narcissism that was around me everywhere I went. How could I love that? I can't. It was painful, it was disorienting, and it wasn't safe for my authenticity to thrive. So, of course I hate people, because I haven't experienced the people that I could love and feel safe to love, yet. But, as one art piece that is ever evolving, it's by allowing myself to see myself as different that I'm able to walk around the museum I'm in and find the room I fit in. If I'm an art piece from the 1800s, for example, and I've been placed in a room of 2020s art pieces, I'm always going to feel out of place, I'm never going to feel safe being my full art, and I also will never be appreciated to my fullest effect, because I am not supposed to be there. 

By allowing myself to see myself as different than the people in the rooms I grew up in, I'm able to start scavenging for the room I am meant to be in. I'm able to finally separate myself from the people that I was never meant to grow old with, and to find other art pieces that are unique in their own ways, but that share the same energy as I do. 

The email I received made me laugh, truly, because the woman was truly offended that I saw myself as different from the rest of the world, and I get it, you know, but it made me laugh because: why would I ever want to see myself as the same from people I would never want to be like? Why would I ever want to see myself as similar to people that truly disgust me? Why would I want to be in the room as people that I cannot stand? 

Life is too short to be miserable behind a mask, just to make other people comfortable. I'll say it now and continue to say it that the people I've experienced thus far, with a few exceptions, haven't been the best, and they've made me lose faith in humanity because I don't think the same way they do. But just like we all have our own paths, I'm seeing more and more that mine is to admit to myself that I am not like the rest, and to find pride in that. To find strength in that. To find power in that, instead of feeling guilty about the fact that the ones I'm leaving behind cannot come with me. 

In the end, I have to find my room of people, while they already found theirs. 

I cannot bring them with me, and I cannot stay. Therefore, actions and truths have to be revealed in order for that to happen.

Funnily enough, whilst there was that reply from my newsletter, I also got emails from people that finally felt heard and seen too. People who finally saw their own thoughts being put into words. People who were on the same path of finding their own room to live out their lives in, people who understood what it meant to be displaced their whole life. By being authentically and vulnerably myself, yes, I encountered people who were unsafe for my truth, but I also encountered people who could finally feel safe in their truths because I decided to voice mine. That's what creating and being authentically yourself is: it's a gamble. You put it out there and some will understand, others won't. I like to look at both feelings, the negative and the positive, because the negative gives me confirmations that I don't want to belong, so that I can keep going, and the positive give me the pull I need to keep going because I know it helps other people as well. Both push out of the old environment and pull into the new one. 

 

Listen to the Podcast episode on the Shaiia Talks Podcast